The Private Pilot

Time has become a blur as it runs past me. Every time I think I have grabbed its hand to stop and stay with me, it slips through.

No matter how much I plan into each day, how many tasks I complete, people I see, words I learn, squats I do, hours I log in my logbook—it isn’t enough. There is something in me screaming to do more: to experience, explore, feel. My life has become an endless checklist that I am always looking down at, and I need to look up. I need to put the checklist aside, and move with what comes my way and leave room to create experiences along the way.

I don’t want to be forty before I realize I could’ve done more. I want to look back and have stories to tell, not just grades to show.

So I start. In this new phase of my life, I become more disciplined and free. I keep the phrase in mind: “bite off more than you can chew and then figure out how to chew it.” I say this because I do better when I have more on my plate. (Yes, it does make sense. Trust me.) The more I have to do, the more I am also forced to take care of myself first. If I have to prioritize school, then I also prioritize the gym. If I prioritize work, then I also prioritize sleep. If I also prioritize spending time with friends, then I prioritize volunteering as well.

I am creating a short-term bucket list, so I can fulfill this existential urge to explore. Each weekend, or once a week, I choose something from the list. The goal is to pull me away from all these priorities I listed, and give me room to breathe and enjoy life as it should be enjoyed. I want this bucket list to be more nature-driven as I am growing to despise electronics and media. They are deteriorating my creativity and spontaneous side minute-by-minute. They have taken away my ability to be bored—never would I have thought that I would wish to be bored. I want to be so bored that I get up and craft or run or bake or make a puzzle, not scroll on my phone.

I want to be at peace, but will all of this effort do the opposite? Is this the same as a checklist?

I will update you soon.

-The Private Pilot